Wild ARMS 3 - Armengard quotes

January 1st: Happy New Year! It's a day to give annual allowances to the
children. Which fits your description? The giver or the receiver? I don't
have any relatives to give to, but there is nobody who gives to me either.

January 2nd: Today is January 2nd, the day we get back to work. Any skill
you work on today you'll improve greatly. I've decided to work on my finger
snap.

January 3rd: Today is January 3rd, the day for words that seem similar,
but mean different things. Tidbit and trivia seem similar, but aren't the
same. Accent and dialect is also subtly different. Yoke and yolk are, of
course, completely different. As I go into deep thoughts, it's a bit sad
that I can't remember my earlier thoughts when I come up with newer ones.

January 4th: Today is January 4, Elw Day. It is a day we celebrate and
show our prospect for the Elw. Oops. Did I say that right? Inspect...
Suspect... What's the word I need? Re, re, re...respect! That's it! Ahem...
RESPECT for the Elw.

January 5th: Today is January 5. I'm taking a nap. When you're sleeping on
a chair, do you ever feel your head bobbing up and down like you're rowing
a boat? The nodding action looks like a rocking tiger and it's believed to
bring you good luck in the New Year.

January 6th: Today is January 6, Avocado Day. The rough skin of avocados
looks very similar to my own. So, I have a habit of collecting avocado peels
just in case I need to make a stand-in dummy of myself. You just never
know, you know?

January 7th: Today is January 7, the Day of Multigrain Bread. On this day,
we eat bread made from seven mixed grains for our health. But I've heard
that some people lose their teeth by eating hard bread. There's also a
tale about someone who ate so much, he turned into a giant robot! Such
stories scare me, but I think they're just lies told by grown-ups trying
to hog all the delicious bread for themselves. Sigh... I wonder who's
telling the truth?

January 8th: Today is January 8th, and the color of the day is blue. If
you're wearing something blue today, a Chapapanga might come looking for you.
Showing a liking to blue reminds me of frogs. Maybe Chapapangas and frogs
have similar tastes... Say, weren't frogs considered good luck charms when
you put them in your wallet?

January 9th: Today is January 9, the Day of Fallen Angels. The term fallen
angel sounds very aesthetic, but I think angels that have lost their wings
are no longer angels. My grandpa always said flouting one's former title is
disliked even among the old folks.

January 10th: Today is January 10, the day we play the word-capping game
'First and Last.' A Drifter once told me that everything in this world is
divided into winners and losers... If we go with that theory, would the
one capping the 'Last' word be the winner and the one being capped the
loser?

January 11th: Today is January 11, Mud Boat Day. Once upon a time, there
was a man who loved to sink on a boat made of mud. For some reason, he
named his mud boat 'Time Machine.' One day, he sank with his mud boat
and was never seen again... Perhaps it was named 'Time Machine' so that
he can return to the time before he was born?

January 12th: Today is January 12, Creeping Chaos Day. It's the day of
the First Contact with the Creeping Chaos, but... Oww! Oh, my head...
My head hurts!!

January 13th: Today is January 13, White Meat Day. In other words, it's
a day for eating chicken wings and pork chops. In the commercials they
say eating white meat will make your legs beautiful. But in reality, it
makes your legs fat. Just look at me. If I only didn't believe such a lie.

January 14th: Today is January 14, the Day of the Sun. It's a day to
celebrate the recovery of the Guardian of Light, Stare Roe, after the
winter solstice. That reminds me. Last year, when I washed and hung
my mother's socks out to dry in the sun, Stare Roe appeared in my dreams
and told me they still stink. Don't you think that was a rude thing to
say!?

January 15th: Today is January 15, Alien's Day. On Filgaia, there are
supposedly many aliens who've secretly immigrated from outer space. I've
also heard that some of them go about daily lives, never realizing that
they really are aliens. But according to a book I read, these UFOs
abduct these aliens and put them through alienation ceremonies on this
day of the year.

January 16th: Today is January 16, Back Talk Day. It's a day a wily
stranger replied to an interrogator's question, 'Who are you!?' He
replied with a calm and gentle answer, 'A stranger.'

January 17th: Today is January 17, Cookie Cutter Day. On my butter
cutter (butter print), there's an engraving of a strawberry. We give
thanks to our little kitchenwares. But come to think of it, this cutter
is pretty worn out... It makes my heart sink that I have to throw
away my old cutter today.

January 18th: Today is January 18, a day to wish for good fortunes.
I hope good things will come your way. Like finding two yokes in your
breakfast egg.

January 19th: Today is January 19, the day of the singing contest!
I want to be the best singer so I trained myself to purr like my
little kitty does when I pet his throat. But petting a human's throat
is a ticklish and strange thing to do...

January 20th: Today is January 20, Manliness Day. I've come to think
that being called 'manly' is a bad thing, like how the words 'naive'
and 'innocent' mean 'airhead' when used in a bad way. Is this what
they mean by growing up?

January 21st: Today is January 21, Caramel Day. Caramel is the name of
a girl who took revenge on the cheiftan that killed her parents, by
hiding inside a hole of a rare confection to approach him. Thereafter,
Caramel became the pronominal name of the loyal and dutiful daughter.
That's why a girl's face is printed on caramel packages like this
one. See?

January 22nd: Today is January 22, Stomach Ache Day. Stomach aches are
a real nuisance. I get stomach aches often too. When you get stomach
aches, try to imagine yourself locking the pain into a box and sinking
it to the bottom of the sea. This will help ease the pain.

January 23rd: Today is January 23, Odd Number Day. Even though half of
all the numbers in this world are odd, why are odd numbers called 'odd?'
Is it implicating that half of everything in this world is odd?

January 24th: Today is January 24, Kick Back Day. The king of Meria Boule,
Garbeth III, decided to create an official Kick Back Day, believing it
will increase productivity as a side effect. On the other hand, it's kind
of hard to kick back once you're told to do so from above. It's like when
my mom tells me to do my homework and I try to wing it off by saying
I'm about to get to it...

January 25th: Today is January 25, Crocus Day. The flower language of
crocus is [Waiting For you.] However, such sweet words are as
dangerous as the sweet scent of carnivorous plants. Beware of getting
hooked on someone like that.

January 26th: Today is January 26, my birthday! Today I'm one year
older. It's the day everyone around celebrates for me. I'm still young,
so I love having birthdays. But even when I get old and become a grandma,
I'll still love birthdays. Living a long life in this world is a hard
thing to do, so your existence becomes rarer with every birthday you reach.

January 27th: Today is January 27, the Day of the North. There was a man
who kept treading north and north. He kept going and going until he
realized he was walking on top of the sea. When I asked him what the secret
of sea walking was, he simply said: Before your right leg sinks, stick
out your left leg. Before your left leg sinks, stick out your right leg...
As I thought to myself, 'What kind of crack is that?' Maybe it's
possible if you just believe. Am I being fooled?

January 28th: Today is January 28, Dancer Day. There was a man who created
the most beautiful statue of a dancer. His passion so strong, his yearning
so desperate, it gave life to the dancer. The dancer gained flesh and blood.
Yet, there was no happy end to this story. She could not cope with his
fiery temper and... It's a true-to-life story, but life can be so
unrewarding...

January 29th: Today is January 29, Cow Day. In olden times, animals called
cows roamed in the fields of Filgaia. The meat of these animals were so
delicate, they were taken away and altered by demons to become their food
source. Today is a memorial for the long lost cow, to remind us how
cold-blooded and stingy demons are, not leaving one cow for us humans.

January 30th: Today is January 30, Shark Day. Sharks are magnificent
animals, but encounter them at sea and you are dead meat. So what good
are they you ask? Well, they make great food items and ornaments... You
get the picture. I'd leave them alone if I were you, though.

January 31st: Today is January 31, Dune Day. The sand sea, Dune, was named
by a midwife, a profession in which naming is half of a job description.
So the midwife strikes again, riding the waves of the Dune.

February 1st: Today is February 1, the Day of Fans. Let me share a tidbit
about Fans. Take a Fan's feather and paint a black and white checker
pattern on it. Twirl it around and you'll see the color change into
beautiful colors like red, blue, and yellow. Knowing that there's always
something new to discover in this world, your optimism and the feather in
your hair makes you ever more beautiful.

February 2nd: Today is February 2, Fountain Day. Unlike modern fountains,
ancient fountains ran on man power. Men with great lung capacity were
signaled to blow inside these fountains from the inside, making the water
come out as fountains. The rich owners of such fountains observed their
beautiful fountains and powerful men (working underground) like ant farms
you make with fish tanks.

February 3rd: Today is February 3, Schturdark Day. You often find sea
turtles engraved on water jugs. I wonder why that's so? Is it meant to
seek the guardianship of Schturdark?

February 4th: Today is February 4, the Day of the Gong. There was a liar
in Laxisland who spread a lie saying, [Bang a gong and make a dragon appear.]
One drifter took these words seriously and banged a gong. Lo and behold...
Yes, as you already know, a dragon appeared in front of him. This was the
occurrence, a few years ago today...

February 5th: Today is February 5, Canvas Day. There once was a painter who
created magnificent paintings. But whenever he finished a painting, he
ripped it apart with his palette knife. People said that he did it
because he was a perfectionist. Actually, he did it because he just liked
the sound of ripping canvases...

February 6th: Today is February 6, Inn Day. The word 'inn' and 'in' sound
almost exactly alike. It's a very easy word to learn and teach, because
an inn is a place you go in. Sorry, bad joke...

February 7th: Today is February 7, Makeup Day. There was a man who loved
makeup. With his makeup on, he looked better than any girl around him. He
even tried out for the Miss Filgaia contest, but was found out once he gave
his speech in his really DEEP voice...

February 8th: Today is February 8, Gentleman's Day. It's rumored that
anyone who pulls a rabbit from a hat becomes a gentleman. Wait a minute...
That's what you need to become a magician! Oops!

February 9th: Today is February 9, Music Box Day. It's amazing that the
seemingly random array of bumps can play such beautiful melodies... There
is still hope that my random array of freckles will enhance my
artistic skills someday.

February 10: Today is February 10, Bathtub Day. It's another one of those
once-upon-a-time stories, but bear with me. There was a brother and a
sister who fought over what to play with in the bathtub. Either a rubber
ducky or a toy boat. Ages later, the brother and sister were reincarnated
in the form of a rubber ducky and a toy boat and were reunited in the
bathtub. Don't ask me how they found out who they were, but that's why
today is the day we honor bathtubs.

February 11: Today is February 11, Massage Machine Day. The massage machine
belonging to a rich lady of Humphrey's Peak had no power cords attached to
it. So how did it work? There was a small man inside the machine massaging
the mistress. He was in love with the mistress, but he kept his presence
unknown until she died. This is a day to commemorate this show of pure
love. A statue of the machine was built, but it was taken down for being
an eye-sore.

February 12: Today is February 12, Drill Instructor Day. There once
was a drill instructor named Driller of the castle guards called the
Fenril Knights. As his name suggests, he drilled and drilled the
recruits with no mercy. A name describing that person is a good
thing, but a name needs to be more poetic that Driller. This is
a day to remind us of this lesson.

February 13: Today is February 13, Tobacco Day. I wanted to give
my father homemade tobacco so I went into the mountains to pick
tobacco leaves. But when I burned some leaves to check it's scent,
the smoke pattern from the fire was mistaken for a distress signal,
and I was mistakenly rescued.

February 14: Today is February 14, Dentist's Day. My parents want me to go
to the dentist today, because it's Dentist's Day. This has got to be a
plot... A planet wide plot even! Oh, no... I've stumbled on a terrible
secret. A hit man is coming for me! Someone please help!

February 15: Today is February 15, Mayonnaise Day. Mayonnaise is a
magical seasoning that goes with any kind of food. But have too much
and you'll sweat mayo from your face. My great grandpa used to say that
guys with oily foreheads should never be trusted.

February 16: Today is February 16, Dice Day. If you have worn-out dice, you
must bury it if the last roll was four or better, or throw it to the
rooftop if rolled three or lower.

February 17: Today is February 17, Fuzzy Day. It's a day to honor a great
airplane pilot who had to explain and translate what the word 'fuzzy' meant
to the Creeping Chaos. I tried to think of it myself, but it's a really
hard feeling to explain.

February 18: Today is February 18, the Day of Light. Open your skylight
windows and let some sun into your room. The light sings cheerful tunes
today.

February 19: Today is February 19, the day the famous swordplay novel
'The Plot to a Kill' was written. It's the best-selling hit novel that's
even got its own fan club. You've probably even heard its name before.
I'm a big fan too, so I joined the fan club. The club chairman, whose pen
name is Cat of S, always writes a passionate clubzine for the members. I
haven't met her personally, but she seems like one of those otakus that I'd
rather stay away from...

February 20: Today is February 20, Weather Forecast Day. We cheer for the
weather report man, for his bold act of making a memorial day for weather
forecasts that are never correct!

February 21: Today is February 21, Germ Day. I can still remember it now...
When I was still a child, I came home for dinner and sat at the table
without washing my hands. My mother scolded me for not washing and I
replied, 'It doesn't matter because I'm using a fork.' She then told me
a frightening fact: [Germs jump up from your hands onto your fork to get
into your mouth.] Wow! I was scared to death by that.

February 22: Today is February 22, Cat Day. There was a boy who loved
the purr of his cat. But one day, the cat died and the boy was saddened.
On one stormy day, he went out to listen to the thunder (which reminded
him of the cat's purr), but was struck by lightning. Cat Day is a memorial
for this sad story.

February 23: Today is February 23, Gob Day. Gobs and gobs of gobs. Gobs
or gobs? Which gob are we talking about? One gob means sailor. The other
gob is the creature with the awful smell. It's all gobbledygook to me.

February 24: Today is February 24, Knife Day. Allow me to give a real
explanation for a change. The name knife refers to a small blade, but it
is also short for [nice wife] and [night life]. A nice wife is good at using
knives. A knife can (depending on how you use it) enhance your night life.
Knife Day was established to appreciate these facts.

February 25: Today is February 25, San Terrine Day. It's the day a book
called the Tale of Terrine was released. The book is filled with wonderful
recipes of how to make delicious terrine dishes. What is a terrine you ask?
I suggest that you run, not walk, to your local book store and pick this
book up. Make it your guidebook to life.

February 26: Today is February 26, the Day of Fire. 'I'm on fire' is the
lucky phrase of the day. These are the famous words of a gambler who started
his bet with one matchbox and ended up owning a casino.

February 27: Today is February 27, Nail Polish Day. Polishing nails is the
graceful habit of girls and cats. Hence, those who polish nails are either a
girl or a cat. Count Begucci polishes his nails, but he isn't a girl.
Therefore, we shall declare him a cat.

February 28: Today is February 28, Smile Day. My great grandpa used to say,
'Chapapangas come in by a merry gate.' So I've kept a smile on my face all
day long today, but everyone looks at me as if I've gone nuts! How rude of
them!

February 29: Today is February 29, which only comes once every four years.
Since it's a leap year, I did some research on what a leap year is. All I
found out though, was that nobody knew who started it. This isn't fun. I'm
gonna go to Jolly Roger to see the sea of sand.

March 1: Today is March 1, Parchment Day. Chewing parchment is a great
sensation. And chewing promotes good health for the body and mind. That's
why I'm against the use of papyrus and slates.

March 2: Today is March 2. Today is... Today is... Oh, my! Today's
nothing special! I'm so sad. Why did you have to catch me on a day
like this? I'm so ashamed, I'm going into hiding. That's all for
today. Good bye.

March 3: Today is March 3, Lizardman Day. Legend tells of a lizardman who
appears to save Filgaia in times of crisis. So all the children of Filgaia
make lovely little lizardman figurines to show their thanks.

March 4: Today is March 4, Salamander Day. I think there are many people
who like salami, but probably not salamanders. Salamanders supposedly
like salamis too, but I haven't seen any coming after my salami sandwich
yet. I wonder why?

March 5: Today is March 5, Rodeo Day. Rodeos originated as a way to train
horses caught in the wild. Today is the birthday of Marvin, the great dealer
who made rodeo into a sport. The contestants ride in this order: saddled
horse, horse (no saddle), crazy horse, bull. Lately though, nobody has been
skilled enough to pass the crazy horse and the excitement has faded. For
all real men out there, get your booty on that horse and start training!

March 6: Today is March 6, Candle Day. I don't think there's much point
making holidays for commodities... Things like candles you buy out of
necessity anyway, so why waste making a special day for it? We only have
365 days a year, so I think we should use each one for something more
meaningful.

March 7: Today is March 7, Clown Day. I don't know why, but I'm afraid
of them. When eating breakfast, I concluded that my fear came from the
evil red mouth on a face painted white. To prove my point, I spread
ketchup over my mouth and covered my face with soap suds in the bathroom.
Oh, my! Was that a scary sight...

March 8: Today is March 8, Gear Day. Since it's gear day, I'm watching
rotating gears, something we don't do often. Watching the gears rotating
over and over, my eyes started getting blurry. The gears turned into
doubles, then triples, then quadruples... Ugh... I ... I feel sick.
N-No wonder we don't look at gears too often...

March 9: Today is March 9, Speed Day. According to a notebook I bought
at a market in Little Twister, the fastest thing around is the BPM
rate of a cabbageworm's humming. Believe it or not.

March 10: Today is March 10, Silk Day. Today is the day that the hero
of Filgaia defeated the bug monster Kaikola. Seeing the error of his
ways, Kaikola turned over a new leaf and taught people how to make silk.

March 11: Today is March 11, Fingernail Day. A man who swore not to bite
his nails anymore applied lethal poison to his own nails. But when he
was washing his hands, he accidentally scratched himself. The man was
found dead in his house the next morning. The townspeople who learned of
his death honoured the man as an example to avoid doing anything so
extreme.

March 12: Today is March 12, Radish Day. Once there was two men, each
claiming they had raised the best strain of radish. When their feud
escalated into great debate within the gardener's guild, King Garbeth III,
ruler of Meria Boule, stepped in to resolve the controversy. The king made
the two men hold the roots of their radish sprouts and announced, the one
holding the root with a leaf after a pulling contest is to claim the
breeder title. So the two men glared into each others eyes and... As you
might have read in the history books, the baron Kaiwarl claimed the title
for his show of love, refusing to tear apart his own creation.

March 13: Today is March 13, Socks Day. In a recent poll, young
womens were asked what they would do if their boyfriend sniffed his own
socks? 75% ansewerd they would break up. It pains me to think that I
belong to a category that young women would want to break up with ...

(Thanks, guys! My FAQ is now complete!)

March 14: Today is March 14, Ogre Day. Long ago, there was a red ogre and
a blue ogre who were very close friends. Even after the red ogre died, the
blue ogre waited for the red ogre to arrive at the train station every day.
This day was named to praise that ogre's loyalty and friendship.

March 15: Today is March 15, the day of the Number Five. If you look at
Gunther's face from the side, it looks like the number five. I've heard
he has three brothers that look alike. If there's a chance, I want to see
them line up to form 555.

March 16: Today is March 16, Mirror Day. I'm sure we've all tried looking
into two mirrors held together to see infinite images of your own face. But
when you go in between the mirrors, your reflection in the first mirror
blocks your view of all the reflections past it. So next time, I'm going to
use a periscope to get around it.

March 17: Today is March 17, ARM's Day. It's a day ARM users show their
appreciation for their ARMs. What's that? You don't know how to show your
appreciation? Then allow me, Armengard, to teach you how. Place your large
ARM vertically on the ground and hold it with your right hand. Next, run
around the ARM 50 times. (It's best done in pairs.) When you let go of the
ARM and walk a few steps away, you'll feel spaced-out as if you've just
been spun by the ARM. In other words, you're putting yourself in the
ARM's shoes.

March 18: Today is March 18, Railroad Day. Boys who love trains often dream
of becoming a stationmaster. I dream of becoming the official holiday
master...

March 19: Today is March 19, Metal Fatigue Day. It's hard to massage when
there is too much fatigue. In these cases, cutting off the bad parts is
one way to fix it. It's best not to abuse that method, though. You don't
want to see too many holes in your stuff, right?

March 20: Today is March 20, Gecko Day. Extract from baby geckos is used to
dye cherries and olives green for cake and cocktail decoration. Being the
kind of person that I am, I make a grave in my backyard each time I eat a
green cherry. Today is Gecko Day... Please say a prayer for all the geckos
you may have consumed.

March 21: Today is March 21, Spring Equinox. My mother told me that the
length of day and night become the same today. Why that makes the day any
better than other days, I have no idea. Nor do I know why we have to go
to school, nor do I know why... (grumble, grumble)

March 22: Today is March 22, Matchet Day. There's a matchet festival
today, but some people last year thought it was racket day. Boy, did it
turn out to be a racket!

March 23: Today is March 23. The flower of the day is dogwood. It is known
for its beautiful white flowers, and heralds the coming of spring. When I
first heard of dogwood, I thought it was a kind of tree that puppies liked
to munch on.

March 24: Today is March 24, Boot Day. Once, a couple found a gold coin that
would grant three wishes. The husband asked for boots that never leaked.
It's free to ask, you know? Surprisingly, his wish came true! Angered by her
husband's idiotic wish, the wife wished a boot stuck on top of her husband's
head. Strangely, the boot looked fabulous on him. And they lived happily
ever after.

March 25: Today is March 25, the Space Between Your Feet Day. When you spread
your toes, you see a web between them, right? It's a reminder of our
ancestors and how much we've evolved. You're not allowed to eat any birds,
like chicken or duck today!

March 26: Today is March 26, the Day of Life's Lessons. A travelling
salesman gave me a doll named [Lessons of Life] the other day as a gift.
I kept thinking that this day was a day to bring out this doll and
celebrate. Apparently, it wasn't so...

March 27: Today is March 27, Candy Day! How many days can someone live on
candy? Once, a woman tried to answer this question. Today marks the
anniversary of this brave woman's death. By the way, I tried this myself
and lasted for twelve days. No holiday for me, though... I guess you have
to die before you get a day named after you.

March 28: Today is March 28, Calculation Day. If plans work out as
calculated, you'll always run into calculation mistakes later on. That's
why I was trying not to be too happy too early, but supressing my own
emotions stressed me out. I guess that was another miscalculation of mine.

March 29: Today is March 29, Spectacles Day. Today is the day you can
express your true feelings for someone of the opposite sex who wears glasses.
On this day we remember a nearsighted girl who fell in love with a fairy who
recovered her glasses from a deep well. She went on to become the patron
saint of glasses, but she only appears in front of glasses-wearing girls,
because she is so shy.

March 30: Today is March 30, Ghost Day. I've been thinking about what the
difference between a ghost and a guardian is all day long. And I've come up
with a major discovery! It's all right to have a guardian of a ghost, but
there can be no ghost of a guardian.

March 31: Today is March 31, Necktie Day. You look smart wearing a tie with
your shirt, but wearing just a tie makes you look dumb. I like to think of
other accessories like this, but none came to mind. I guess neckties really
do deserve a day of their own.

April 1: Today is April 1, April Fool's Day! You can tell lies all you want
today, and not one will be remembered. People tell me that I'm a born liar.
It's so nice to be able to say whatever I want and not feel guilty one bit.

April 2: Today is April 2, Pillar Day. Pillars are the most important part
of buildings: psychologically, architecturally, and geomantically. That's why
we must thank our pillars and give them a nice pat. The pillar in Baskar must
be patted by many people today.

April 3: Today is April 3, Fate Day. I sought to seek my fate today, so I
picked a leaf of Agastia, but all that was written on it was 'Better luck
next time.' Does it mean the answer was scratched off when I picked the leaf?

April 4: Today is April 4, Vigor Day. What is vigor? Vigor is... I've gained
strength! ...But it was just my imagination!! That is all! As the
Drifter defeated the evil alien, she shouted those very words. Today is the
day that battle was fought.

April 5: Today is April 5, Knuckle Day. Once there was a pianist who cracked
her knuckles so much, she couldn't play the piano without some cracking
first. Although it sounds sad, they say that watching her bashfully crack
her knuckles was an adorable sight to see.

April 6: Today is April 6, Men's Day. Every year a contest is held today,
where men compete in a test of strength, courage, and kindness to gain the
title of Real Man. Oops, drool...

April 7: Today is April 7, Cherry Blossom Day. Beetles really love to sip on
the sap from cherry trees. Seeing these beetles, my friend imitated them and
tried some sap, too. He said it was really good and told me to try it, but
let me say this: People tend to embellish things to make them seem better
when they go through a lot of trouble getting them...

April 8: Today is April 8, Ferris Wheel Day. Once there was a boy who thought
making the ferris wheel go faster would make it the most thrilling ride in
the park. One day, the boy made his dream come true, but his gondola couldn't
handle the terrible speed and centrifugal force, flinging it far off into the
sky. The boy is probably still high in orbit over Filgaia...

April 9: Today is April 9, the Sincerity Day. Is sincerity really a virtue?
I don't think it is. Honesty is a much better trait to call a virtue. I say
this, because hey, I'm not exactly a good person, but at least I'm honest
enough not to hide anything.

April 10: Today is April 10, Heart Day. My heart works hard everyday so I
can move and work normally. My liver and kidneys also work hard each day too,
but they don't have days named after them... I'd like to give my personal
thanks to these unsung organs.

April 11: Today is April 11, Leather Day. There was a man fascinated with
the sweet smell of boiling leather for tanning. He would boil and boil
leather all day long. One day, the man realized that boiling vegetables
and clams created an even better smell. I guess he never cooked food
before...

April 12: Today is April 12, Bread Day. There was a baker who dreamed of
baking a bread that popped. Using thin crusts, he created a bread in the
shape of a six shooter that actually popped. While popping his bread in the
kitchen, his wife, who was an ARM user, thought it was a hold-up and fired
some rounds inside to scare the robbers. Well, anyway, there's a 30% off sale
on all bread today.

April 13: Today is April 13, Nemesis Day. Having a worthy opponent helps you
rapidly improve in your studies and work performance. In the old days, the
word opponent also meant companion or associate.

April 14: Today is April 14, Con Day. To con someone means to argue against
them. Another meaning is to swindle. A con also means convict. Although
commonly mistaken, the real meaning of con in Con Day is constitution.

April 15: Today is April 15, Resistance Day. It's the day the resistance
forces won and Claiborne was founded. The Resistance Festival is held
today and all the villagers divide into feds and rebels to show a mock
battle. The feds always lose at the end, of course. Claiborners started
the festival to commemorate their rebel spirit, but I think it defeats
the purpose when you make a festival out of it.

April 16: Today is April 16, Sack Day. Covering the inside of a sack
with wax makes it water-tight. In this case, the wax is much more
useful than the sack. In my opinion, we should change the holiday to
Wax Sack Day. What do you think?

April 17: Today is April 17, Barrel Day. On a certain pirate ship,
there was a man who had a body like a barrel. He was able to hide
various objects inside his body. Angered by other pirates abusing
his talent, he invented the wooden barrel. From then on, the pirates
used barrels to hide their weapons and loot, but it saddened the
barrel-like man, for he lost his sense of purpose.

April 18: Today is April 18, Filgaia Day. Some extreme people holler,
'Be kind to Filgaia!' But I prefer a more restrained approach. I'd rather
be seen with a laid-back attitude than having people going out of their
way to be kind.

April 19: Today is April 19, Polka-Dot Day. One year, no rain came to the
village. The village chief sought help from a passing saint for a prayer
for rain. Hearing the request, the saint replied with a heavy voice,
'To bring rain upon this village, all must wear polka-dot clothes and
pray.' The truth was he only wanted to see the village girls wearing his
favorite polka-dots, but it really brought rain. How about that!

April 20: Today is April 20, Soprano Day. On this day, the vocalist
Arliene Maria, famous for cooking her eggs with her vocal chords, was
kidnapped by a colony of bats. There's a rumor among her fans that she was
seen singing in a cavern somewhere, but I think it's either a Gagison or an
Okypete. It's similar to how we mistake dugongs for mermaids.

April 21: Today is April 21, Turn-Off Day. The great King Garbeth III of
Meria Boule thought naming a day for turn-offs will be good for his country.
Come to think of it, it sure turns me off to know that today is turn-off day.

April 22: Today is April 22, Circle Day. The mother of all round things is
the planet Filgaia herself. Filgaia is our mother. Our mother is round. With
that argument, my round mother is actually Filgaia. Make sense?

April 23: Today is April 23, Furball Day. Once you start grooming to pick
off furballs and fleas, you just can't stop. Engineers supposedly
incorporated this logic into the Emma Motor, but I wonder how it works?

April 24: Today is April 24, Back-of-the Knee Day. The back of the knee is
the spot where your knee drops when you push on it. You've played this trick
on your friends too, right?

April 25: Today is April 25, Coffee Day. A farmer who was storing beans for
landowner's tax accidentally let his beans go rotten. Wondering what to do
with the damaged beans, he poured hot water over it. 'Mmm, this smells good!'
he said. And that's how coffee was invented.

April 26: Today is April 26, Idea Day. There was a gloomy man who tried to
make poison from herbs to kill the woman he hated... One day, he accidentally
spilled the herbal mixture over his clothes, leaving a green stain. The stain
was so stubborn it couldn't be washed away. Seeing this, the man decided to
market the concoction as green paint, instead.

April 27: Today is April 27, Yawn Day. Sometimes when you yawn too much, your
jaw drops. You're afraid to drop your jaws, but can't go on living without
yawning... That's why Yawn Day was made to commemorate the sad dilemma we all
face.

April 28: Today is April 28, Chicken Fight Day. In the garden, there was a
rooster, a hen, a weathercock, and three turtles. The chickens and the
turtles didn't get along at all. The weathercock kept the peace between
them, but one night, both parties found him to be the most irritating of
all and was bludgeoned by both sides. Power struggles can be so gruesome.

April 29: Today is April 29, Meat Day. Vegetarians won't be having any fun
today, but luckily I'm a carnivore! I just have to be careful not to 'pig'
out.

April 30: Today is April 30, Jeans Day. Jeans are often called denims
lately, but who cares? Rose will be rose and jeans will be jeans, I say.

May 1: Today is May 1, Wet Towel Day. To feel like a wet towel means to feel
heavier with each tear you shed. You can also take it as regret for being
born in this world. If you take the opposite view, though, things like
guardians and monsters are probably happy they weren't born as humans.

May 2: Today is May 2, Miniature Garden Day. My grandpa loved to make
miniature gardens. I liked his gardens because the parts he used were so
cute. When I asked him what he's putting into the garden next, he said all
the parts that go into his garden are called loners... Needless to say, I
had trouble responding to that.

May 3: Today is May 3, Butler Day. Butlers are handy people who handle all
of your general affairs at home. They can even help you sleep better when you
tell them to count sheep for you. I wish I had a butler...

May 4: Today is May 4, Angolmois Day. The King of Angolmois felt that he was
behind the times. To change his image, he tried to show himself as hip to the
people. He listened to new music, drank with next-gen monsters at the clubs
and... Was he successful?  I'm too scared to say it...

May 5: Today is May 5, Children's Day. Children get to go to amusement parks
and get lots of gifts today. Maybe that's why Mother told me I'm already a
grown-up now...

May 6: Today is May 6, Buttercream Day. The venomous color of old buttercream
is said to be proof of it taking in radio waves and releasing toxic waves.
Maybe that's why I get heartburn when I eat cheap buttercream. I sort of
liked that gooey taste, but too bad.

May 7: Today is May 7, Gene Day. Wouldn't it be nice if we can write in
all the stuff we learn into our genes and pass it on to the next generation?
That way we can continue remembering our holidays over two generations. They
say why do today what you can leave for tomorrow, right?

May 8: Today is May 8, Pavement Day. When I was a child, I took a big jump
on the stone pavement to celebrate this special day. The cobblestone that I
landed on sprang up and smacked me straight in the face. Upon realizing the
sad fact that it was my first kiss, I slowly fainted.

May 9: Today is May 9, Silver Day. If you have a silver dream tonight, you'll
be taken away to a purple mirror world. I wonder what a purple mirror world
looks like? I'd like to see such a world, but my dreams are always in full
color.

May 10: Today is May 10, Glass Day. At the ruins, the Drifter Jane was
cornered to the window by a gigantic insect monster! To make things worse,
she was out of bullets! Out of desperation, she took the small knife on the
table and scratched the glass on the window. The nasty screech hurt the
beast's eardrums so bad that Jane went on to defeat it. The motto of the
story is to never give up.

May 11: Today is May 11, Leisure Day. Leisure Day was originally Pleasure
Day, but because of educational and cultural reasons, it was renamed Leisure
Day last year.

May 12: Today is May 12, Striped Shirt Day. A cow thief snuck into a farm.
Two cowboys saw the thief run away from behind the fence. But when they
were asked to testify: Cowboy 'A' said 'The thief wore red.' Cowboy 'B'
said 'The thief wore white.' Both stood firm to their testimony. Since
both of them were considered honest among the villagers, it puzzled everyone
until they caught the thief. The thief wore a white and red striped shirt,
making him look red to cowboy 'A' and white to cowboy 'B' when viewed from
behind the fence.

May 13: Today is May 13, Sand Day. You can never stop sand from entering
your home. We should take the power of the dust as an example of our will
to live. I plan to mimic the power of the sand and brush it out of my house
today.

May 14: Today is May 14, Disaster Day. In the year 184 on this very day, a
major catastrophe occurred. Emergency drills and town meetings are held today
in preparation for disasters. I don't like disasters, but I hate listening to
the mayor's same old speech over and over again.

May 15: Today is May 15, Phoenix Day. The power source of the first hot air
balloon was a phoenix. Fire and smoke both have tendency to fly high, so
having a bird with fire is a winning combo for a flying machine. Phoenix
Day has nothing to do with hot air balloons! It's the day the phoenix is
reborn.

May 16: Today is May 16, Fortune Telling Day. 'Read people's minds and tell
them what they want to hear.' Those are the words of a famous fortune
teller... Sounds like a scam to me.

May 17: Today is May 17, Crowd Day. If you get a bird's eye view of towns,
you can see where all the crowds gather. When you're bored, just follow the
crowd. They'll take you somewhere.

May 18: Today is May 18, Green Day. Once there was a girl with green eyes.
Her special talent was being able to photosynthesize sunlight. Although her
eyes could conduct photosynthesis, her lungs weren't connected to her eyes,
so all she could do was blow bubbles with her tears.

May 19: Today is May 19, Record Day. Try speeding up your record player
today. You might hear strange signals from another world.

May 20: Today is May 20, Housing Complex Day. Living in housing complexes can
be so complex. There are rules for everything from walking the dog to taking
out the trash. We must review all these rules and swear to abide by them with
a fresh heart. Sounds like a brave new world is just around the corner...

May 21: Today is May 21, Religion Day. It's probably because it's Religion
Day, but I felt I was being watched while sleeping, so I woke up and flipped
on the radio... Only to hear more commercials sponsored by the
Ark of Destiny. What a nightmare.

May 22: Today is May 22, Detective Day. Today is the birthday of the famous
author who wrote about a great detective in his books. Am I the only one that
feels awkward about this? Yes, I don't think it's the right way to name a
holiday. Ask me... I'm the pro!

May 23: Today is May 23, Correspondence Day. I was writing letters to a
pen pal, but when I told him about all the holidays, he suddenly stopped
writing back... Hmph, I don't care about boys who don't care about holidays,
anyway. Hey, I know. You must like holidays since you're always talking to
me. Do you want to be my pen pal?

May 24: Today is May 24, the Day of the Ancients. It's a day the people of
Baskar present their offerings to the ancient guardians. Therefore, stay
away from Baskar today. By the way, I heard people of Baskar speak in an
ancient tongue. Not only are they keen to the world after death, they use a
dead language as well...

May 25: Today is May 25, Dove Day. I love doves. I love to watch them, to
feed them, and to eat them... Do I get a triple crown for that?

May 26: Today is May 26, Bottle Opener Day. At my house, the official bottle
opener is my mouth. For Bottle Opener Day, I'm walking around showing
my teeth to everyone. Don't be afraid. I'm not playing games with you or
anything.

May 27: Today is May 27, Gambling Day. Once upon a time, there was a man
named Gam Bull. He is what you call the typical 'right off the immigrant
ship' pioneer type of guy. People either loved or hated him, but he was so
well-known that commemorative items and even a holiday were made for the day
he died.

May 28: Today is May 28, Do Something Day. My mother is a doer. She always
tells me to do things. 'Brush your teeth.' 'Take a bath.' 'Wash behind your
ears.' 'Go to sleep early.' If you listen to what she says, you'll live a
cleaner life, so it's not a bad idea.

May 29: Today is May 29, Scholar Day. As a scholar of holidays, I'm first
class. No single person has devoted so much research into the field besides
myself. Right now I'm wondering what I should do it I get scouted out by the
Council of Seven.

May 30: Today is May 30, Rose Day. Take a bath with rose petals today and
you'll be healthy for the whole year. But taking a bath with roses reminds
me of Count Begucci, so it might creep you out.

May 31: Today is May 31, Wind Rat Day. There was once a Drifter who
travelled with a rat. While exploring a cavern, he was trapped and
couldn't get out. To save the hungry Drifter from death, the rat
sacrificed itself into the fire to provide food for the Drifter. It's
a beautiful story, but another story says the rat kicked the Drifter
into the fire so that it could eat him.

June 1: Today is June 1, Radio Wave Day. Catch those radio waves today
and protect them. Even if your neighbors come protesting, you must entertain
your radio waves with steak and lobster.

June 2: Today is June 2, Screw Day. Today is the day the first screw
hypnotist was announced. The screw hypnotist can help you adjust your
cerebral substance levels. I tried becoming one myself, but I wasn't fit
for the job. All that came out of my brain were the names of holidays.

June 3: Today is June 3, Well Day. A well is a metaphor of the deepness of
your mind. Dive deep into your heart and you will feel the tide making
ripples on the surface of your mind. Feel it and you will see what is
beneath the surface of people's expressions.

June 4: Today is June 4, Bug Day. Spiders and centipedes look like bugs,
but they aren't classified as insects because they don't have six legs.
How mean of scientists to not count them as insects just because of their
number of legs. Are insects members of a secret society or something?

June 5: Today is June 5, Mist Day. Mist is scary, because there might be
a mist spirit hiding somewhere. The dunes are scary, because there might
be a sand spirit hiding somewhere. The sky is scary, because there might be
an air spirit hiding somewhere. Come to think of it, there isn't much point
to a day just for mist when you're scared of so many things.

June 6: Today is June 6, Alnim Day. Several hundred years ago, monk Alnim,
who served in the campaign against the demons, ran away from the army, tired
of the long struggle. Alnim was charged with deserting his post and was
executed on a small hilltop. A few years after his death, a small white
flower grew from the place he was buried. It is said this flower has the
power to cure any disease.

June 7: Today is June 7, Heal Berry Day. Show your respect for heal berries
today. Heal berries are your best friend.

June 8: Today is June 8, Sea Cucumber Day. A legendary hero defeated a giant
sea cucumber. A fearless glutton ate the sliced sea cucumber raw. Which one
is more courageous? Every year, a grand debate is held on this day to discuss
this proposition.

June 9: Today is June 9, Instinct Day. While walking on the outskirts of
the village, I overheard a conversation: 'No! It wasn't me! I'm telling you
the truth!' That must've been an answer out of natural instinct.

June 10: Today is June 10, the day the one from outer space came. His name
was the Creeping Chaos. Today we'll talk about Creeping Chaos for the
first... Ugh, not again... My consciousess is slowly fading...

June 11: Today is June 11, Engine Day. Once, a maid was ordered by her master
to find an engine and went out in search of one. She came back with a man
named Engine. The master, surprised to know that there was a man named
Engine, declared that day be known as Engine Day, in honor of his loyal
maid.

June 12: Today is June 12, Crimson Noble Day. One man tried to catch a
crimson noble. He set up a simple trap consisting of a basket propped with
a stick and beaker with his own blood under it. Nobody believed he could
catch a crimson noble with such a stupid trap. But when dawn broke, a
crimson noble was trapped under the basket. It's one of those 'you never
know until you try it' kind of stories.

June 13: Today is June 13, Evil Day. The devil is evil. Devil spelt
backwards is 'lived.' Do devils actually live? That is the question.

June 14: Today is June 14, Unwanted Hair Day. General Aguy had one long
white hair growing off of his arm. This string of hair granted him three
wishes... Aguy's hair was preserved in cryostat and was enshrined by his
followers.

June 15: Today is June 15, Dog Day. Dogs are so cute. I love dogs running
around in circles, chasing their own tail. When I run in circles, I get
strange looks from people, so I have to stop.

June 16: Today is June 16, Father's Day. It's a day to show appreciation
for your father and fathers all around. Find your nearby father and give
him a hug.

June 17: Today is June 17, Whirlpool Day. When you're in a whirlpool, you're
swung around in circles, up, down, right, and left. It can be quite an
exciting ride. No danger means no thrills. My desire to become a Drifter
grows stronger with these words. Be advised that you might lose your life,
though.

June 18: Today is June 18, Cactus Day. Two years ago, there was a radio
campaign promoting the use of cactus as a food source. I hear it's good
for your diet, but I don't think it's good for you to try food you don't
like just for the sake of it. Like my great grandpa always said, life isn't
fun if you're not honest with your tastes.

June 19: Today is June 19, Sound Day. Sound is a vibration in the air. If
an identical vibration is generated at the same time, they would cancel
each other out. Deep bass really shakes things because bass is uncommon in
the natural world.

June 20: Today is June 20, Mach Day. It's the birthday of the inventor Mach,
who created a flying machine that flies at the speed of sound. When an
engine is classified as mach 2, it means it has the power of 2 Mr. Machs.

June 21: Today is June 21, Battle Axe Day. There was a young man who
accidentally married a battle axe, but regretted it for the rest of his life.
The story was misconstrued somehow and battle axe became a euphemism for a
nagging woman.

June 22: Today is June 22, Magnet Day. There was a man who was a master of
massaging. They say he had magic fingers, but he was actually just a
magneto man.

June 23: Today is June 23, Rope Day. Becoming a veteran sailor is a hard
thing to accomplish. You have to learn how to read sand waves and tie special
knots. That reminds me of Volume 3 of the [Disaster Girl of the Wasteland]
series when the plot involved a special knot only known to sailors...

June 24: Today is June 24, the summer solstice. With every arrival of summer,
I recall memories of that man... The man that left me cold with jokes that
were so stupid, you can stick coal up his nostrils and get a black pearl in
a week.

June 25: Today is June 25, King Arctica Day. Poor King Arctica... He was
caught by the demons and was forced to beg for mercy. He tried to appease
them with the one dance he knew, but was left to die from starvation.
Today, we are to soothe the king's soul by dancing the king's dance.

June 26: Today is June 26, Nervous Twitching Day. Today we honor King
Arctica and Emperor Junevieve, both of which achieved their status by
perfecting the art of twitching nervously.

June 27: Today is June 27, Giant Stag Beetle Day. General Bartholomew
loved stag beetle so much, he made stag beetle armies and stag beetle
poems. In return for his love, a giant stag beetle threw himself in
front of a flying bullet to protect the General and was killed in
action. Today is a day to honor love that crosses the wall of species...

June 28: Today is June 28, Electronic Engineering Day. Holly loved
electronic engineering for the smell of melting solder. As she
continued to pursue the smell of solder, she became a famous engineer.

June 29: Today is June 29, Twin's Day. Considering the fact that twins
can synchronize their minds, twins boast the world's fastest communication
speed. Today is the day this theory was established and caused a major
sensation at the annual Telepathic Mage Convention.

June 30: Today is June 30, Scout Day. There once was a commander who tried
to send his troops forward without deploying scouts first. When the
commander checked up on his troops before the advance, all of his
soldiers were eating cookies and would not move. The scout had baked
cookies for everyone, bored from having so much free time. Scout Day
was named by them to remind us of this lesson.

July 1: Today is July 1, Bison Day. I don't know about you, but the
name bison reminds me of python. Bison and python. Maybe I can make a
nursery rhyme about them.

July 2: Today is July 2, Stew Day. Today we gather around a big pot over
a campfire to enjoy the food and company of friends. Think of it as a
dinner party for the great outdoors.

July 3: Today is July 3, Fruit Day. Do we eat fruit today? Good question.
Let me give you a fruity answer... Sorry for the bad joke. I can tell my
babbling is utterly fruitless.

July 4: Today is July 4, Courage Day. Once there was a boy who mustered up
the courage to shoplift a toy called Deluxe Justine. He proudly placed it
on his shelf like a trophy. The next morning, the boy was utterly surprised
to see Justine standing by his pillow. By the third day, the toy even grew
out hair. So the boy decided to repent. He found the courage to return the
toy to the shopkeeper. Remember kids. Shoplifting is stealing.

July 5: Today is July 5, Last Scene Day. Remember, Last Scene Day is not a
day to search for missing persons. That's Last Seen Day.

July 6: Today is July 6, Carbonara Day. I love spaghetti carbonara. The name
carbonara is so poetic and delicious sounding. It makes my mouth water.

July 7: Today is July 7, Long Distance Couples Day. Long distance
relationships are especially difficult for couples in love. They're
impossible to sustain expect for dreamers, but dream too much and you'll
go delusional. And, some say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
By the way, I love acting like a know-it-all.

July 8: Today is July 8, Adventurer Day. Adventurers are rare people fated
to die unless they continue adventuring, just as sharks must continue
swimming to survive. To protect this rare species from extinction, radio
programs release bits of adventure rumors to spark the adventurer spirit.
Just the other day, they broadcasted news about another floor discovered
in the Ruins of Memory! But this could be just another groundless rumor.

July 9: Today is July 9, Teacher's Day. Ms. Mintching is a strict teacher.
Ms. Muntching is a plump teacher. Mr. Guntching is my favourite teacher.
He has such a nice build... Ahh.

July 10: Today is July 10, Nut Day. Yes, we're talking about those nuts
you find lying around ARM shops. Take some of these nuts and put them
between two slices of rye bread. Enjoy the crunching sensation with
every bite.

July 11: Today is July 11, Bulletin Board Day. Stationmaster what's-his-name
put up a bulletin board for the station. The people posthumously rewarded
him by naming a constellation after him. I, too, work hard everyday so that
one day I'll get my own constellation in the sky. Well, what are you aiming
for?

July 12: Today is July 12, Paw Day. This is the day we honor Dan Dairam.
Girls prance around sporting cat-ears and cat-paws today. I wanted to dress
up, too, but there are strange participants lately who go around taking
pictures of cat girls, so my parents won't let me. These weirdoes say,
'Dan Dairam loved girls, so Dan Dairam is our guardian, too.' Perverts!

July 13: Today is July 13, Pirate Day. A pirate festival is held at
Jolly Roger today. Jolly Roger must be swarming with sweaty Rogers today.
Who are the Rogers? Rogers are what we call people from Jolly Roger.
Residents of Little Rock are called Rockers. Residents of Little Twister
are Twisters. I thought everyone on Filgaia knew that.

July 14: Today is July 14, Tornado Day. It's tortillas and nachos day!
Eat your heart out, cowboys! Yes, yes. Bad pun, I know.

July 15: Today is July 15, Posture Correction Belt Day. All the fond memories
we had... Why did he leave after all the countless nights we've slept
together? All I did was strap a posture belt on him to straighten out his
back... I guess he didn't like it, because he was meowing furiously.

July 16: Today is July 16, Cocktail Day. I really like today better than
beer day, because some cocktails are alcohol-free. This year, my mom plans
to make a cocktail with a 2:1 blend of orange juice and lemon juice.

July 17: Today is July 17, Grumbling Day. It's the birthday of a famous
literary work about a tortoise that grumbled all day. He grumbled and
grumbled until the world started to rumble. I had to write a book report
on it this year, but I hope no one heard me grumbling about it.

July 18: Today is July 18, Brick Day. Like the many shades of flesh, bricks
also come in many colors. I think the description, 'Wearing a brick-colored
jacket' on this wanted poster of Janus is a poor choice of words.

July 19: Today is July 19, Talk Day. Today is talk day and not stalk day.
I'll shoot anyone who tries to stalk me, so beware. You have been warned.

July 20: Today is July 20, Squash Day. I had a friend who used to blend
squash into his drinks before imbibing them. When I asked him why he liked
it, he just said he likes things squashed.

July 21: Today is July 21, Wavelength Day. Radio waves got good vibrations.
Shortwaves got good vibrations. Microwaves got good vibrations. Do you
have good vibrations?

July 22: Today is July 22, Cradle Day. I love rocking cradles. Especially
the cradle of love. Hey, watch where you're looking! I know I've got a
beautiful bod, but mind your manners.

July 23: Today is July 23, Cutie Day. When you walk around town today,
you might hear greetings like, 'Hey cutie, can I touch your cuticles?' Not!

July 24: Today is July 24, Pin a Banana and a Fish Day. Pin a toothpick or
fork on a banana and a fish and place it in a cool, dry place. Your late
grandpas and grandmas will come to visit today.

July 25: Today is July 25, Scarecrow Day. In Elw architecture, scarecrows
are commonly placed on rooftops in place of weathercocks. But it was rumoured
to bring bad luck among non-Elws and slowly went out of style. A scarecrow
slowly rotting away into dust is a sad sight.

July 26: Today is July 26, Talk Like a Hobgob Day. Gob-gob! You talk dis way.
No speak sense. Hard speak. Me hate. No speak dis way, me come after you.
Gob-gob!

July 27: Today is July 27, Baboon Day. A girl, whose face was a red as a
baboon's behind, sacrificed herself to save Filgaia. She stopped Filgaia
from going ba-boom!

July 28: Today is July 28, Doll Day. People freak out when they see a doll
crying tears of blood, but when a statue of a guardian sheds bloody tears,
they call it a miracle. Is it just a matter of what it's made out of?

July 29: Today is July 29, Cruise Ship Day. The world's largest luxury
liner sank into the sea of sand on this day. Survivors of the accident
shared their dramatic tragedy with the world. Based on their story, a movie
was made about an impoverished noblewoman who threw into the sand the purse
that her fiance gave her.

July 30: Today is July 30, the Day of the Living Dead. Flowers are beautiful
and are loved by all. But the living dead are ugly and are hated by all.
This Day of the Living Dead was named to abolish discrimination against all.

July 31: Today is July 31, Desire Day. A desire strong enough to summon
Luceid... I thought my desire for holidays were strong enough to be
approved... But Luceid told me, 'Yours is just an obsession, so no go.'
Don't you think he's pretty stingy for being a Guardian of Desire?

August 1: Today is August 1, Soaproot Day. You might laugh at me for saying
it, but I really like soaproot. They come in handy when I need to get that
sneeze out of my system.

August 2: Today is August 2, Undies Day. I woke up at 3:00 a.m. this morning
and thought to myself, 'Jeez, I only have my undies on.' It's not an idea I
should be proud of, but as a holiday enthusiast, it's in my blood to follow
my instincts.

August 3: Today is August 3, Broth Day. Pouring broth from a juicy steak onto
your food makes it taste better. Just a tad of advice from yours truly.

August 4: Today is August 4, Secrets Day. A young man who joined a spy agency
liked to write comic strips. His comics were filled with awful, rotten
jokes, but they let him post them on the wall of his favourite bar. But
one day, he was accused by his superiors for releasing confidential
information. They claimed he let slip that the intelligence bureau was
run by a pack of fools. He was found guilty and sentenced to life in
prison.

August 5: Today is August 5, Pug Dog Day. Pug dogs are dogs that are good
at licking off pugs. They're also called depuggers.

August 6: Today is August 6, Watermelon Day. To all farmers and hobbyists:
Don't forget to water your melons today. Just a friendly reminder from your
local agricultural center.

August 7: Today is August 7, Tile Day. Tiles are nice and smooth, so they're
considered symbols of fair skin. Your skin looks like tiles, too.

August 8: Today is August 8, Infinity Day. Turn the number eight on it's
side and you get the symbol for infinity. Nifty, isn't it?

August 9: Today is August 9, Coveralls Day. Why are coveralls called
coveralls even though they don't cover your arms or your head? They sure
don't cover all.

August 10: Today is August 10, Hope Day. Ages ago, a scholar was given a
mind-reading machine from the Guardian of Wisdom. Although repetitively
falling into despair over the fate of mankind, he held on to his hopes
that all was not yet lost in the hearts of men. His stalwart faith in the
future helped revitalize the Guardian of Hope.

August 11: Today is August 11, Bug Out Day. Take your rugs out to dry in
the sun to kill off all those bugs and mites. Don't bug me while I'm taking
out mine.

August 12: Today is August 12, Coin Day. So, can you spare any change today?

August 13: Today is August 13, Frog Day. Grab a partner and leap over his
back. This is the proper way to honor frogs on this blessed Frog Day.

August 14: Today is August 14, Corset Day. Someone came up with a corset
fortune reading on this day. If the flab that was pushed out of the corset
was heart-shaped, your luck is good. If the flab was ball-shaped, your luck
is bad. For most people, this fortune reading turns out bad, so I don't
trust it one bit.

August 15: Today is August 15, Mystery Day. Cats that live to old age are
said to gain mystical powers. Do you know that former Drifter in Jolly
Roger? His real body is the cat rolling around near him and the old Drifter
is the cat's [Tool].

August 16: Today is August 16, Note Day. There was a man who couldn't say
no. To solve his personal dilemma, he came up with the idea of writing down
all of his thoughts on pads of paper. Believing that note pads wouldn't have
been invented without him, not being able to say no to people, he named the
day as 'note' (no to) day.

August 17: Today is August 17, Star Festival Day. Once, a guardian from the
stars landed in front of a starving young boy. Introducing himself as
Rigdobrite, he ripped a chunk of his own flesh and offered it to the ailing
boy. As a token of his gratitude, the boy became a baker and made Rigdobrite
flavored cookies. Since the cookies tasted like shrimp, Rigdobrite became
known as the Shrimp-Flavored Guardian.

August 18: Today is August 18, Harness Day. Regular maintenance of saddles
and horseshoes is important. Harness day is a reminder so you won't regret
it in an emergency. Remember though, it also takes away your excuse for
blaming your failure on lack of maintenance. Everything in life is give
and take.

August 19: Today is August 19, Hiking Day. Hiking on a day like this?
You've got to be kidding! One minute out the door and you'll be burned up
in a jiffy. Who came up with this holiday, anyway?

August 20: Today is August 20, Picky Preaching Day. Today is the day an adult
tried to preach about dreams he didn't believe in and was stoned by children.
Children can see right through lies. It's not because they can read minds.
They just tell so many of them that they recognize when someone else is
lying, especially grown-ups.

August 21: Today is August 21, Saucer Day. What's so fun about flying
saucers? I don't see anything neat about breaking dishes. I'd rather
play with boomerangs. At least they come back.

August 22: Today is August 22, Chemistry Day. My hypothesis was that
mixing red wine with white wine would produce rose wine, but for some
reason it didn't work out that way. So, I gave up on my experiment and
started whining instead.

August 23: Today is August 23, Rain Day. Rain solidifies the ground, so it
becomes hard to dig into. It's a real nuisance. Try this. Dig the packed
dirt and pack it back up again. You will get dirt sherbet. Neat trick to
show the kids.

August 24: Today is August 24, Care Day. Shouting that you wish to be cared
for is so embarrassing for grown-ups. You're just telling everyone that
you're vulnerable and need sympathy, like a spoiled child.

August 25: Today is August 25, Runny Nose Day. A crazy professor tried to
refill the sea with water using a machine he made. He claimed it extracted
purified water from people's runny noses. The results were, as you may have
guessed, just a drop in the ocean.

August 26: Today is August 26, Guitar Day. Pluck the strings of an old guitar
and monsters will come to listen. Whistle at night and snakes will come to
listen. Fell creatures are hip to a beat.

August 27: Today is August 27, Boat Day. I'd like to ride a cruise line to
commemorate this day, but we have no boats in this village. Oh well. I'll
take a nap and row a boat in my dreams instead.

August 28: Today is August 28, Spring Day. A scientist created an android
boy powered by springs. He sprang to life. Get it? Sprang...

August 29: Today is August 29, Ponytail Day. Growing out your hair and
strapping it into a ponytail is the new fashion all over Filgaia. Some
people get the urge to yank on a ponytail, but pulling one will cause it
to explode, blowing both of you to smithereens.

August 30: Today is August 30, Moth Day. There once was a chatterbox who
talked all he wanted and never listened to anyone else. He became so noisy,
a guardian changed him into a moth. The big mouth became the big moth.

August 31: Today is August 31, Kaboom Day. Kaboom is such a great example
of onomatopoeia. No one knows who invented the word, but you can literally
see the sound in the air. Kaboom!

September 1: Today is September 1, Earthquake Day. Tremors were once said
to be Grudiev's snoring, but modern research has proven the belief is just
a myth. People now make offerings of Grudiev's favourite bread to atone, but
what if that is also a mistake?

September 2: Today is September 2, Belt Day. The young man who invented the
belt loved the sensation of being strapped. To pursue his hobby further, he
strapped a python he caught in the hills to his waist and looked into the
mirror. In the mirror, he saw a fashionable self with the perfect strap.
This was how snakeskin became commonly used for belts.

September 3: Today is September 3, Warning Day. Today is the day train
stations warn passengers not to chat with the conductors. I'm not going
to flirt with them or anything! Is the warning necessary?

September 4: Today is September 4, Mannequin Day. Pull out your mannequins
and dress them up. They deserve to wear some clothes.

September 5: Today is September 5, Food Chain Day. I just learned this word
in my textbook yesterday. I thought that food is linked together like a
chain, but I was wrong.

September 6: Today is September 6, Beer Belly Day. I'm envious of beer
bellies. Beer bellies are soft and comfortable to touch. You can even make
root beer from them, right? No? Then I don't want one.

September 7: Today is September 7, Appendicitis Day. Before you ask why we
have unnecessary organs like the appendix, think of it the other way around.
Yes, you thought correctly. According to the appendix, you are the one
that's not needed.

September 8: Today is September 8, Lily Day. The boiled lily bulbs I had
today were delicious. You can't forget the chrysanthemums, too! I wish all
flowers were edible like lilies.

September 9: Today is September 9, Ball Sports Day. You know, soccer and
cricket have their own holidays already. This must be a conspiracy of the
Filgaia Ball Sports Federation. Not that I know if such a federation exists.
It certainly exists in my mind, though.

September 10: Today is September 10, Say No to Chugging Day. A mother was
cooking sauteed leek and liver. She always used milk to drain the liver of
blood. One day, her son came home and, assuming it was strawberry milk,
chugged down the whole thing. The poor boy fell unconscious from the
unspeakably horrid taste. So please, heed the lesson of the day... And say
no to chugging.

September 11: Today is September 11, Backwards Day. .yadot sdrawkcab
gnihtyreve daeR ?ttub eht ni niap a ti t'nsI

September 12: Today is September 12, Faker Day. The marketplace of Little
Twister is full of fake shops like fake moneychangers and fake pharmacies.
A faker is someone who goes into these shops without prior knowledge of fake
items, otherwise known as bait. Since fakers had higher survival rates than
those who knew how to identify fake stuff, the Little Twister Tourist
Committee named the day Faker Day.

September 13: Today is September 13, Spider Lily Day. Spider Lily is the
common name of a flower called Lycorus Radiata. It's a nice potted plant,
but don't eat it. I sure regretted it when I did.

September 14: Today is September 14, Moon Day. We make special sweets to
offer to Celesdue today. They're wonderful snacks with a clear gelatin
skin and a yellow peach in the center. Eat too many and your hands will
turn all yellow, but that's just the moon goddess letting you know you're
overeating.

September 15: Today is September 15, Hijiki Day. Hijiki is a dried,
stingy, black seaweed. It contains a lot of fiber and is good for your
digestion. Just another piece of food trivia for the curious eater.

September 16: Today is September 16, Log Bridge Day. Ever get the urge
to jump up and down on a log bridge? Now you can! Remember to write your
will before you do, though. Jump at your own risk.

September 17: Today is September 17, Memory Figure Day. You must confess
all of your experiences to memory figures. This is the only way to save
your memories. However, some people fall in love with their memory figures.
Whether this is caused by their magic or the repeated act of confession is
unknown.

September 18: Today is September 18, Stomach Day. Yesterday, I ate so much
that I turned into a barrel. That loud rumble coming from my stomach is a
warning from Mr. Stomach to handle him with care.

September 19: Today is September 19, Pot of Hell Day. Although this isn't
widely known, there is a gigantic cauldron in hell that boils sinners for
eternity. The broth that seeps out of the rich and chubby sinners makes a
good soup base.

September 20: Today is September 20, Street Preaching Day. Two bugs multiply
into four in one day. They further multiply into eight. If it takes thirty
days to cover Filgaia with bugs, how many days will it take to cover half
of Filgaia? The Ark of Destiny preacher said that the answer is 29 days.
I wonder what he was trying to prove.

September 21: Today is September 21, Underfloor Day. Listening to women's
heels tapping while I was beneath the dance floor is a beautiful memory I
will never forget. P.S. Don't ask me why I was there.

September 22: Today is September 22, Pigeon Day. Pigeons walk around
bobbing their heads. When I was young, I tried to make a pigeon walk with
it's head bound, but it couldn't walk straight. Looking back, it was a cruel
thing to do. That's why I'm always blue on this day every year.

September 23: Today is September 23, Hippy Day. When I went to Little Twister
the other day, my friend gave me some hippy clothes. I thought that wearing
it will prevent bad guys from messing with me, but I was questioned for
suspicious behavior by the locl marshal instead.

September 24: Today is September 24, Horse Day. A horse owner said in his
speech, 'No horsing around on horse day.' ...End of story.

September 25: Today is September 25, UMA Day. When you see a Chupacabra
with bathing suit tans, you know fall has come. For those wondering what
UMA means, it stands for Unidentified Marine Animal.

September 26: Today is September 26, Abnormal Weather Day. The professor's
abnormal weather ran away from him, because it felt that the professor's love
was too much of a burden. For the sake of the professor's eternal love for
her, abnormal weather returns to Filgaia once every year.

September 27: Today is September 27, Anvil Day. I know it's Anvil Day, but
I don't know which anvil it refers to. There was a female Drifter duo by that
name, but I'm not quite sure.

September 28: Today is September 28, Informer Day. There once was a country
which paid a large reward for secret info. In this country lived a notorius
informer named Replica. He was hated like the plague for informing everything
of everyone to the government. Eventually there was no one left to inform
about. In the end, he framed himself for a crime he did not commit. Impressed
by Replica's commitment to informing, people named the day in his honor.

September 29: Today is September 29, Ring Day. A millionaire lady was
kidnapped on this day. She managed to escape by giving a ring she hid in
her fat belly to one of the kidnappers. So, wear a ring today to get some
of her good luck.

September 30: Today is September 30, Time Axis Day. Two men named Time Axis
and Earth Axis challenged each other to a duel. The winner was Earth Axis!
You can't see a time axis, but you can tell where an earth axis is located
by the flags at the north and south poles.

October 1: Today is October 1, Glacier Day. A grandma was doing laundry by
the riverside when blocks of ice drifted down one after another. The day
was named Glacier Day in its memory.

October 2: Today is October 2, Shades Day. A marshal who always wore
sunglasses was nicknamed Shades by his boss. Shades even wore his
sunglasses at night. During an investigation in a dark dungeon, he was
caught in a trap he couldn't see and died in the line of duty... Shades
Day was named to mourn for his death. So please, don't wear your sunglasses
at night.

October 3: Today is October 3, Nutrition Day. I'm going to eat a balanced
diet of chicken breasts, chicken wings, and chicken drumsticks. It's
important to eat from all the different food groups, right?

October 4: Today is October 4, Crown Day. During his coronation, the crown
of King Martinius the Fool was knocked down by the hands of his own sister.
Naturally, the king was furious at her, for letting everyone see his
misshapen mohawk drooping underneath.

October 5: Today is October 5, Double Day. Today we commemorate for all
the legendary doubles that sacrificed themselves so their patron would
live. Would someone like to double for me?

October 6: Today is October 6, Outlaw Day. To become a great outlaw, I was
told you must first get rid of your likes and dislikes, and eat a balanced
diet. I have no problems with that! That doesn't sound like a way to become
an outlaw though. Oh, well.

October 7: Today is October 7, Glamor Day. I like wearing flashy clothes.
I love glittering little coins. Having both, I'm in heaven today.

October 8: Today is October 8, Dragon Day. A dragon's mouth smells like
sulphur because it breathes fire. Once, and old lady mistook the smell
for a hot spring, and dove into the dragon's mouth. Luckily for her,
the dragon had a kind heart. He gave her warmth with his breath and
let her go unharmed. How's that for a dragon heart?

October 9: Today is October 9, Mountain Day. There once was a master dowsing
rodder who could strike water and dig wells. One day, he left for the
mountains to hit the big one. True to his words, he found his prize. He
struck an underground magma flow, activating a volcano that later became
a grand mountain range.

October 10: Today is October 10, Chocolate Day. Chocolate is a cute sounding
name for food. It whets my appetite just by the ring of it. Thank god it
wasn't named choanoflagellate or something. Look the name up in an
encyclopedia. You're not gonna like what you see.


<The following paragraphs in brackets are from nolan_no_fear. Thanks!>

(I did just what Armengard suggested and looked up the word in Encarta '98,
the exact word "choanofllagellate" wasn't there but a listing under
"Flagellates" was. Here the text from Encarta

Flagellates, common name for a diverse group of unicellular organisms in the
subphylum Mastigophora, kingdom Protista, that have in common whiplike
projections called flagella, which they use for locomotion. They may live as
single cells, in colonies, or as parasites. Almost any watery niche on earth
contains large numbers of flagellates, and, along with diatoms, they are an
important component of the marine food chain. Because flagellates show a mix
of plant, animal, and fungal features, and because as colonies they exhibit
coordinated activity, they provide clues as to how the multicellular forms
of life may have evolved. Some dinoflagellates (phylum Pyrrophyta) are
plantlike: They have cell walls, contain chlorophyll, and conduct
photosynthesis. Some true dinoflagellates, however, resemble the animal-like
flagellates (phylum Zoomastigina), which are soft-bodied, colorless, and
feed on other organisms.)

<END nolan_no_fear document>


October 11: Today is October 11, Cool Day. If you can declare yourself
cool with a straight face at the movie theater, you'll get a discount
today. Try it. It's harder than you think.

October 12: Today is October 12, Fat Ego Day. Having a big ego is one
thing, but a fat ego is even worse. You can hide big egos if you try,
but you can't hide if you're fat...

October 13: Today is October 13, Build Your Own Shelf Day. I went to
my local home furnishings store and bought a shelf kit. The only
instructions on the box said, 'Assemble yourshelf.'

October 14: Today is October 14, Sardine Day. How can we tell if
we're supposed to take care of things on their day, or eat them
instead? Maybe I can switch them around. First, I'm going to shower
my sardines with appreciation today, and eat some dragon on Dragon Day.

October 15: Today is October 15, Pancake Day. Frying pancakes makes them
very good and sweet. Does that mean frying things makes everything sweet?
I tried frying spaghetti, cabbage, and shoes but they didn't come out
sweet. What did I do wrong?

October 16: Today is October 16, Trap Day. Setting traps and falling into
traps is fun, but why do we think that way? Is it because it's a game of
wits? I remember that classic trap I set with a bucket of water and a mop
for my teacher. I told her to outwit me if she dared, but she didn't fall
for it.

October 17: Today is October 17, Mustache Day. Growing out mustaches is a
common way for baby-faced boys to appear mature. For girls, the only
mustaches they get are milk mustaches.

October 18: Today is October 18, Arrowhead Day. Watching arrowhead grass
blown by the wind makes me feel refreshed. The shape of the arrowhead
grass became the basis of arrows as we know today. See? The arrows are
pointing this way today.

October 19: Today is October 19, Hypocrite Day. It's a day to find
hypocrites and kick them out. I find no problem with hypocrisy as long
as you do good in the end, but that's just me. I should keep my mouth shut
before someone comes after me.

October 20: Today is October 20, Gimel Coin Day. Gimel Coins are handy
items. You have one too, right? I use mine for opening wine bottles,
brushing my hair, and opening letters. Each coin weighs ten grams, so
it's useful for scales, too.

October 21: Today is October 21, Evil God Day. Today, I thought about the
existence of evil gods and came to the conclusion that they are quite
lovable. Just imagine an evil god psyching himself up saying, 'I'm gonna
do evil today!' See? Isn't it heartwarming?

October 22: Today is October 22, Carpet Day. Carpets are things to cover
your floor. They are not pets riding on cars nor are they cars that are
called pets.

October 23: Today is October 23, Sign Day. The first signpost on Filgaia
was born somewhere in Little Rock. When the sign reached adolescence, it
fell in love with a female board in Baskar and had lots of children.

October 24: Today is October 24, Break Dancing Day. Whip out the old
cardboard and do the worm! Do the windmill! Do the helicopter! Do the
bronco! Whoo-hoo!!

October 25: Today is October 25, Sheriff Day. The spelling of sheriff and
chef are very different, but the pronunciation is similar. As a child, I
used to get scolded for mixing the two up. The only thing they have in
common is they both get mad when mistaken for each other.

October 26: Today is October 26, Antlion Day. I thought that antlions were
lions that only eats ants until my mom pointed out that I was wrong.

October 27: Today is October 27, Boar Day. Today we feast on a boar caught
in the wild. Wild boar has a firm texture and taste compared to regular
pig and...oops. Excuse me for drooling. Mom ordered Roykman to catch one
for us, but I wonder if he found one yet.

October 28: Today is October 28, Moisture Day. While most of us keep
moisture out of the house, some use humidifiers to artificially make
moisture. We have a love/hate relationship with moisture.

October 29: Today is October 29, Toy Day. Collect all 12 Saint Guardian
action figures and get a free Guardian of Mud [Grablugable] doll! I wish
I'd known that before the offer expired... Sigh.

October 30: Today is October 30, Knight's Day. For this year's school
research project, I chose knights as my topic. Flowers have no effect
on knights. Knights love to get their pictures taken. Knights don't
appreciate jokes. Any further experimentation could endanger my safety,
so I will stop here for today.

October 31: Today is October 31, Pumpkin Festival Day. We get to make
jack-o'-lanterns today, but it's hard to make a good one. Having such
clever hands means I can use my nerves between my brain and hands
efficiently. Based on this observation, I should be better... Why is
it not working!?

November 1: Today is November 1, Dry Bones Day. There was a dog that
buried dry bones. Worried that someone might come and take them, he stayed
close to watch guard. The dog was later found as dry bones himself.

November 2: Today is November 2, Poodle Day.  This holiday was named because
the date looked like a poodle, but I think it looks more like a swan swimming
next to some poles.

November 3: Today is November 3, Former Show-off Day. Until last year,
Show-off Day was a day you were allowed to act like a show-off and not get
laughed at. However, some men got addicted to being a show-off and became
public nuisances. Show-off day was banned once several women sued for
harassment.

November 4: Today is November 4, Wind Day. Do you believe that prophecy
about the wind of destruction? If the only two possible outcomes were
survival and destruction, that means there is a 50% chance of survival.
I'd like to place my bet on survival.

November 5: Today is November 5, Canna Day. There was a girl who tried
to dye her lips red with red canna flowers. She managed to get her lips
red, but it was just inflammation from skin rash.

November 6: Today is November 6, Smoked Fish Day. The smoked fish
refrigerator is powered by Alslate, Guardian of Snow, and Nuashocks,
Guardian of Lightning. They're busy powering it right now so you can't
summon them. By the way, they get really mad if you call them the Electric
Fridge Guardians.

November 7: Today is November 7, Harmonica Day. You're considered a master
harpist once you learn how to play chords. But how do you play chords on
a harmonica? You can blow multiple holes if you hold the harmonica
vertically and blow with your mouth and nose, but that doesn't seem
right...

November 8: Today is November 8, Grown-up's Day. Libera told me that
growing up means learning to give things up. Does that mean I have to
give up my favourite food?

November 9: Today is November 9, White Shirt Day. The recent fashion for
young girls is a white shirt and a black feather ornament. I go the other
way and wear black shirts and white feathers.

November 10: Today is November 10, Reading Day. I bought a book titled
[Me and Me] today. I expected it to be about split personalities, but it
was about a boy and his cat named Me. I think the cat deserves a better
name.

November 11: Today is November 11, Rubber Band Day. Until rubber bands were
invented, people had to use strings to bundle things up. The old-timers say
there's no better time than now. Imagining life without rubber bands, I
have to agree with them.

November 12: Today is November 12, Acorn Day. I was bored today so I
gathered acorns and lined them up. Some were fat, some were long. It
turned out looking like a miniature diagram of life.

November 13: Today is November 13, Yeast Day. Today is the day I learned for
the first time that a fungus called yeast made bread expand. I decided to
give it the nickname, 'Feastmaker.'

November 14: Today is November 14, Name Brand Day. When I was pondering
what's the most famous brand on Filgaia, Roykman's face popped up into my
head... Is he considered a brand, though?

November 15: Today is November 15, Flea Market Day. Sidewalk vendors are to
flea markets as red chickens are to sidewalk vendors. When I asked a vendor
how they made the chickens red, he told me, 'They're reincarnations of
bloody Drifters.' He's just kidding, right?

November 16: Today is November 16, Jambos Day. I love chicken drumsticks,
but they're so expensive. I guess I'll just have to settle with planting
jambos trees and eating it's fruit today...

November 17: Today is November 17, Train Day. Employees of the Filgaia
Railroad all look exactly alike. They make me want to believe rumors that
they are quintuplets, or that they are secret rangers in disguise, or...
Urban legends are so much fun.

November 18: Today is November 18, Jacket Day. The law states you must buy
jackets on jacket day. My parents won't buy me one though, saying that I
have enough insulation through fat. Is that something a parent should say?
I was so hurt, I'm packing up to run away from home. Please don't stop me.

November 19: Today is November 19, Instrument Day. Have you heard of a
brand called Fengalon Instruments? The company was named after the wind
guardian Fengalon. If you own a Fengalon instrument, check the white tiger
mark on it. Marks with eyebrows on it brings good luck.

November 20: Today is November 20, Kramer Day. I don't know what a Kramer
is, but it sounds like the name of a coffee shop in a nice little surburban
town. What a charming name...

November 21: Today is November 21. The catch phrase of the day is, 'Beating
after death.' The Ark of Destiny hands out free calendars every year, but
it only lists their religious holidays. It makes me want to memorize all
of them, so I don't use them myself.

November 22: Today is November 22, Jellyfish Day. Every time Jellyfish Day
comes around, I recall the time I fell into the sea. The next thing I knew,
I was floating inside a giant jellyfish. I felt like jelly... So today, I
fell jellified.

November 23: Today is November 23, Good Guy Day. I couldn't decide whether
you're supposed to be a good guy or to go commend a good guy today, so I'm
going to ask my guardian to choose for me.

November 24: Today is November 24, Immortality Day. It's the day a man
seeking immortality turned into a mineral. Surprising as it may be, I
wonder if any of my relatives are minerals, too?

November 25: Today is November 25, Brain Day. Medical research says there
are electric waves running through our brains. Is there a way to gather
the waves to create electricity? I tried running a pole like an electric
dynamo to test my idea, but failed miserably. How sad.

November 26: Today is November 26, Pen Day. Today I'm grabbing my pen to
pen a story about pig pens. Pig pens are not pens that look like pigs.
Please don't pick up that pen to stab me.

November 27: Today is November 27, Panda Day. Draw a picture of a panda
and pin it on your door. It brings you good luck today. Be careful not to
slant his eyes or it'll look like a mug shot.

November 28: Today is November 28, Sword Day. A sword and a dog had a fight.
Sword won the fight. Sword was the name of the dog. What was the name of the
dog? Think about it carefully...

November 29: Today is November 29, Tree Day. It's the day the tree of
Agastia and the tree of Sephiroth fought over who's the greatest tree. After
a long discussion, the two decided that the tree with the most mushrooms to
lure Drifters wins. But since the trees couldn't find edible mushrooms, it
ended in a tie.

November 30: Today is November 30, World Peace Day. I wish all mankind would
become like me... Imagine it. A peaceful world where everybody spends their
lives observing holidays... For today, I'm spending all my time conjuring
up concoctions to make my wish come true.

December 1: Today is December 1, Wishing Day. Every time you hear a story
about magic items granting wishes, don't you ever wonder why nobody asks to
increase their number of wishes? If you thought so, then listen to my story.
I met a fairy that came out of my calendar the other day and told me she'll
grant my wish. So I asked her to increase the number of wishes she grants
to five. She replied, 'Okay! Your wish has been granted,' and dissappeared...
It appears that the fairy accepted to grant the next person's wishes five
times...

December 2: Today is December 2, Asterisk Day. Asterisk festivals are held
today in honor of the birth of the asterisk mark. People born with asterisk
marks dress up as gods and go around writing asterisk marks on people's
foreheads. You are not to wash the asterisks off until the following day.

December 3: Today is December 3, Moor Gault Day. There is a saying that if
you can kill Moor Gault or make him cry, you become a man of power. However,
this is a by-product of Moor Gault's omen and you will be burned in his
eternal flame after death. Who's the bigger birdbrain?

December 4: Today is December 4, Image Training Day. During lunchtime today,
I got really sleepy so I tried to imagine stabbing myself in the leg to wake
up from the pain. It didn't work... So I gave up and continued to eat my
soup, but my hand slipped and spilled soup on the leg I imagined stabbing
earlier. Was it a mere accident or the product of my overwhelming
imagination?

December 5: Today is December 5, Tenderloin Day. The tenderloin of a
livestock is the region of meat along the backbone. By this definition,
the tenderloin of a cake is the creamy frosting on top.

December 6: Today is December 6, Red Sunset Day. A red sunset is caused by
the red blood spouting from the Guardian of the Sun getting killed at the
end of the day. The guardian then rests for the night and is resurrected
the next morning. Someone told me this myth a while back, but I'd hate to
be killed everyday.

December 7: Today is December 7, Card Day. There was a beautiful female
assassin who used playing cards as her weapon of choice. She had a big
fan following, but a mob tracked her down and revealed her true identity.
She was caught and hanged by the authorities. To remember her death, her fans
named this day Card Day.

December 8: Today is December 8, Wrestler Day. Inside of your wrists, there
are tiny wrestlers. These wrestlers help you lift weights, hold pencils, and
use your ARMs. Today, we show our appreciation for these tiny workers. As a
side note, there are tiny mechanical wrestlers inside machines to make them
work.

December 9: Today is December 9, Itching Day. Even the grand priestess of
Baskar can't win against itches. If we make a ranking diagram it will look
like:

1)Itching
2)Grand Priestess of Baskar
3)Commoners

Using the diagram, I hypothesize that itching is the apex of the biological
pyramid.

December 10: Today is December 10, Shame Day. Today, you are to do the most
shameful thing you are ashamed to do. Sounds masochistic to me. My most
shameful thing is to write letters to storybook characters in the form of
a book report.

December 11: Today is December 11, Tango Day. Get a dance partner and dance
to the rhythm of tango. It does a body good.

December 12: Today is December 12, Plant Watering Day. It's days like this
that get people to water their plants, like my father who never waters his,
and ends up rotting their roots. Whoever established this day must have
hated plants...

December 13: Today is December 13, Farming Day. Thanks to our farmers, we
get to eat good food every day. Farmers in return get to eat their food
from satisfaction of a hard day's work.

December 14: Today is December 14, Cardboard Day. Cardboard is a good
insulator. Try covering up broken windows with cardboard the next time
you accidentally ram into one.

December 15: Today is December 15, Canned Meat Day. The inventor of
canned meat is a brave man. If I were him, I wouldn't dare risk canning
a luxury food like meat... I'd cook it on the spot!

December 16: Today is December 16, Meringue Day. Stiffly beat your egg
whites and mix it with sugar. Voila! You have made yourself some meringue.
(Note: The actual recipe isn't that easy.) Now, go make the rest of the
cake and I'll eat it for you.

December 17: Today is December 17, Curry Day. Curry is a mysterious food.
I get sudden cravings for curry all the time. I called this the curry crush
syndrome. Do you have any food like that?

December 18: Today is December 18, Hard-boiled Day. Why are tough guys in
mystery novels called hard-boiled? Is it because,

A)The soft texture of hard-boiled eggs symbolize their sexiness.

Or is it,

B)They look like snakes gulping eggs.

What do you think?

December 19: Today is December 19, Comics Day. Comics were invented by a
dashing young lady named Ponchea. Comics are a series of pictures with
cynical portrayals and situational comedies. Her debut work was a story
about a moss monster titled 'Mossman.'

December 20: Today is December 20, Ribbon Day. A beautiful waitress in a
town called Milama lent her favorite ribbon to a poor boy. The boy took
the ribbon and went to the pawn shop. A few weeks later, the boy made a
fortune from the pawn money and bought back the ribbon. The ribbon was
returned to the waitress and they lived happily ever after. Isn't it a
happy story?

December 21: Today is December 21, Sand Block Day. On the sand blocks,
people write their name and their lover's name to wish for good fortunes.
Seeing the numerous names on the blocks, I think about the many histories
of the lovers that wrote them. I'll write one for Neil and Putnam while I'm
at it.

December 22: Today is December 22, the winter solstice. Today, the daytime
becomes the shortest out of the whole year. It doesn't mean that the day
becomes shorter than 24 hours, though.

December 23: Today is December 23, Railroad Crossing Day. If railroad
crossings were alive, how would they feel being crossed everyday? Southfarm
Station is nearby, so I'll go ask it next time.

December 24: Today is December 24, Fairy Godmother Day. For all the boys and
girls who were good this year, the fairy godmother appears tonight and let's
you see the dream you've always wanted to dream. Maybe that's why the fairy
godmother wears fluttery clothes so she can cast hypnosis on you when she
waves her arms in front of you.

December 25: Today is December 25, Glove Day. Imagine a picture wearing only
gloves and compare it with a picture wearing only a pair of socks. Which one
is more exciting? As an example, imagine a cat wearing socks and a dog
wearing gloves.

December 26: Today is December 26, Boxing Day. No, it's not a day to punch
people. Today we give boxed gifts to people. The favorite boxed gift this
year is a jack-in-the-box. Retro items are hip.

December 27: Today is December 27, Slumber Day. Sleeping is one of the
three necessities of man. What are the other two? Eating and playing, of
course!

December 28: Today is December 28, the Day of Light. You often hear heroic
tales ending with the hero disappearing into the light. If you think about
it, being a hero is a terrible occupation that won't let you go peacefully
in your sleep when you die.

December 29: Today is December 29, Smoked Ham Day. Eating too much smoked
ham gets your belly out. That is the law of the conservation of energy...
Why is there such a law!? This is a story about a girl who went delinquent
because of ham...

December 30: Today is December 30, Love at First Sight Day. Do you believe
in love at first sight? Finding the right person can be hard, but you never
know when you might hear your heart click. Walking around town is a good way
to find people, so I'm planning to do that today myself.

December 31: Today is December 31, New Year's Eve. Feeling that tomorrow is
a new year gets me excited. Maybe it's because I can leave my unlucky year
behind and make a fresh start. In that sense, you can call New Year's Eve
the day with the highest population of people with depraved thoughts.